My Sweetest Downfall
by AccountKiller254654354351
Summary: What would happen if Jenny had Nicks baby? What would happen if an anomaly opened in her house after she left? what if, what if, what if... rated T for paranoia
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: just an idea I came up with once upon a long long ago that I thought about doing and now decided to properly write :D**

**This is for Rhirhi73 for all her sarah/beker fics, this is my jutter fic :P**

**Disclaimer: This is my blanket disclaimer for everything that will be written, the plot is mine and any characters that I have made up (like Rosemarie) I may come out with a random witty disclaimer every now and again but I will rarely remember LOL**

**And to begin the story...**

People lie, they say when someone you love dies, that eventually the pain lessens and life becomes liveable again. Like I just said, they lie. Life never goes back to normal, but then again, life with Nick Cutter was never normal to begin with, I was part of something bigger than myself and I feel like I'm hovering in limbo all the time. Not part of the ARC team any more, not slipping seamlessly back into my old life. Sometimes, when I think back to who I was, I cringe; shallow as a shot glass, my idea of a life or death situation was whether I'd manage to get seats at London Fashion Week. Now, as I rock my precious child back and forth I think back to those magical moments with Nick. She has is eyes, they're Icy blue. The same shape, colour, even the same deep look of wisdom even though she is nine months old, and they seem to set me on fire every time she looks at me. Not in the same delightful, marvellous way that Nick did, but in a blistering, scolding way that makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. I've managed to suppress these feeling s over time, stop them from eating me alive, but not enough to dull the pain.

Rosemarie Isabella Cutter, longwinded maybe, but Nick once told me his favourite girls name was Rosemarie, and mine is Isabella. I call her Rose or Roza a lot of the time; she's as beautiful as her name. Pale skin and thick wavy hair like mine, just darker. Her eyes are something else though, so icy blue they are almost luminous. She has my nose and lips, yet her face, even in cherubic youth, is shaped like his. Nick and I had one magical night before he died, I was 6 weeks pregnant when he went back into the burning ARC and never came back. If only I had told him, if he knew he was going to be a dad would he have gone still? I don't think so. Even if he had hated me, he would never have abandoned his unborn child. Abby had dragged us all to the pub one night and I had woken up next to Nick, we both agreed never to talk of it, that everything would just blow up in our faces if we were in a relationship, but sexual tension had crackled around us every moment we had been near one another. And now, 18 months after his death, I have a 10 month old baby whose eyes are an exact copy of his. Thanks for that God, real fair.

I was laying her gently down in her cot for an afternoon nap, she had been particularly grizzly that morning and I thought I had about a snowballs chance in hell of settling her down, but I had succeeded and she lay there in a nest of blankets in a deep slumber. Wandering through to the kitchen, I wandered absently how long I should let her sleep before she would be up all night, these thoughts occupied me as I made myself a cup of tea and I was still stirring it when the anomaly opened. Shock coursed through my body, it always struck me how timelessly beautiful anomalies were; with their flawless shining diamonds gyrating gracefully around a ball of pure light that lead to another time. Another world. I stood there, mesmerized, committing the moment to memory, like an addict trying to get there one last fix, I need my fix of anomalies. But as it began to glow ever brighter my bliss dissipated, replaced with fear, I knew that noise, that exact movement of light. Something was coming through. Just my luck it was an adolescent T-Rex. My thought immediately flew to Roza, she was a helpless baby, only just stumbling with my constant support; and she was upstairs. I was there, unarmed, a sitting duck as I was paralysed with fear. Suddenly, my ARC born instincts kicked in and I grabbed a dirty frying pan I had left in the sink. With my weapon in hand I sprinted through to my lounge, ripping the grate off the open fire, desperately shoving the pan inside. I watched enchanted as the metal turned from silver to yellow to orange, watching as it slowly progressed through the colours until it was white. At that exact moment, the dinosaur stopped devouring my breakfast bar and came to find me. But now I was armed, and if I couldn't save Rose, I would die trying.

The wooden door splintered as it was totally destroyed. My burning hot frying pan at the ready, I waited for it to make the first move _never go on the offensive, never show fear, never harm it more than possible, get it back through the anomaly_ these were the sacred rules of the ARC and, yes, I was bending the 3rd rule slightly, but my child's life was at stake. Bending my knees, I gripped the frying pan handle with both hands and bent over slightly, keeping my centre of gravity low. It advanced on my slowly, snapping its jaws, with a malevolent glint in its eye. Like it would eat me piece by tortuous piece if it got the chance, which he wouldn't have, trust me. With speed that would match that of a tiger, its head came towards me, the frying pan swung around and connected with the side of its face. The most disgusting sound ensued that made me want to vomit; honestly it was truly horrendous. Its scaled skin seemed to sort of melt a little and it bubbled and cracked through the heat. I had fried its face and the very thought made me feel nauseous. Screeching in agony, the dinosaur reared away from me, all the while crying out in agony. That's when the front door was broken down.

Beker sped down the hall, all guns blazing; the dinosaur was down in seconds. Only when it was disarmed did I study the burns with macabre fascination, they were blistering horribly, well what skin was left had blistered, the rest was open red and raw, it smelt like some kind of meat frying, I tried not to dwell on that thought to much, Beker would accuse me of going soft if I lost my lunch.

Suddenly I remembered Rose and sprinted like a gazelle up the stairs, retching Roza's door open I heard her piteous cries and they assaulted my ears. She was scooped into my arms in seconds, my tears mingled with hers as the gravity of what had just happened, how close I had just come to losing her hit me. I didn't realize that Beker had followed me until he took Rose away from me. Then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

The world came back to me slowly; first sounds, then feelings, conscious thoughts and finally waking. Stark white walls bore down on me and the room's contents were clinical. If it hadn't been for the camera in the corner I would have flown into full on panic mode. It was the standard Government Issue CCTV camera for top secret governmental organizations. I was willing to bet my life I was in the ARC. So I flashed a hundred mega watt grin at the camera and waved "Be a darling and let me out of the cell James" and sat waiting for him to come to my beck and call as he always had in the past. It didn't take long. He'd always been a sucker for a pretty face.

"Where's Rose" I demanded the second he set foot through the door

"Nice to see you too Jenny. The pleasures all mine I assure you" he replied with his usual snide sarcasm. Oh how id missed our banter.

"Where's. My. Child" I repeated. I think he understood I wasn't playing, so he strode out the door without another word. I followed him, also keeping my silence.

It was strange. At home I always felt powerless, sort of watery. But ever since id realized where I was, I felt... not like the _old_ me, the one that fell in love with Nick, but I felt closer to her than I had in a long time. Even my walk was more confident, if I had been wearing heels I would have fallen back into the model like strut I always used to use, but bare feet didn't exactly lend themselves towards any sort of strutting, especially that of a model, so I had to make do with 'don't-mess-with-me'.

Seeing Rose again, it made my new found confidence dwindle a little bit, until I saw the looks of radiant love and adoration on the faces of my old friends. That just seemed to make it grown all the more. Anything grows if you nurture it. Confidence is the same, only other people have to help you make it grow. When Nick died, I thought everything was gone; nothing was worth living for except the little life inside of me. The little life I then became truly dependent on. I became addicted to her need I realised in a second. I had left to get closure, yet I felt better than I had in over a year. I ran away from the ARC to try and heal my heart when actually all along it was the only thing that could mend it.

"Hello! I'm Jessica, Jess. Well my names Jessica Parker but everyone calls me Jess, you can too if you want." A petit brunette rambled at me. The old me would have found her incessant talking aggregating, but me now found it comforting. Nick's death had changed me, just not as much as I thought it had. "Jennifer Lewis" I replied, extending my hand "But everyone calls me Jenny. You can too if you want" I parroted back to her with an easy grin that she immediately returned along with a giggle. I liked Jess; I could see us being friends.

After this little introduction I instantly threw myself into the arms of Abbie. Not needed an explanation, just a hug. We had plenty of time to talk later so I extracted Rose from an adoring Conner and held her close to my chest. She immediately started to wail so gently shushed her, stroking her hair until she fell to sleep again. I must have been out longer than I thought.

A man came rushing through the large square room I was standing in, making a bee line towards Jess. There was plenty of room to go around me but he pushed me rudely out of the way "Excuse me?" I snarled in disbelief. The hierarchy had changed massively since I was last here. Who left this arse hole in charge and where the hell was Danny?

"Where's Danny?" I asked Abbie "and Sarah"

She suddenly looked very sad and I knew exactly what had happened in a second "Their dead aren't they." It wasn't a question but a statement. I knew the answer before they even nodded their heads

"Danny's still alive just travelling through anomalies to help his brother. We found him. You missed out on a lot" Conner explained. But I didn't care about Danny. I cared about Sarah

A deep ache lodged itself in my chest as I realised why I had left the ARC. It hadn't been to get closure or to help with Nick's death. I was far more resilient than that. It was because just as I had healed something else would cut the wounds fresh. I wanted to run from this ne unfamiliar building as fast as I could but I knew that wasn't going to happen. They wouldn't let me home until the anomaly closed and I had a strange feeling that wouldn't be for a while.


End file.
